Sunday, 24 January 2010

EXPLOSION‘S in the bus, The Italian Job/stew,never again

mix

All around the bus
The evening stars shone bright
A flurry of fresh snow was falling
The roaring fire casting a warm yellow glow
Belly’s full with Mel’s Italian Stew
So of to bed content and happy

The dogs by the burner curled and relaxed
The cats in their chosen beds for the night
One on the tele the other under the sofa

Drifting drifting and gently the land of nod calls
All aboard the bus was peace and quiet.

Then in the darkness of the early hours
A strange rumble could be heard
Quickly followed by another then another
Then An explosion the likes had never been heard in the highlands
A terrifying sound that alerted me from my wonderful sleep
Then another explosion this time louder and longer

OH NO
with Sudden realisation the Italian stew was back
and with the remembered advice of NEVER NEVER AGAIN
ringing in my head

I prayed and rolled over, tugging at the quilt to try and fall back off to sleep

But a minute or two later another roll of thunder
This time the dogs sat bolt upright
and with looks of worry etched on their faces they bolted to the bed DAD DAD DAD’S in trouble

With long moist nose’s sniffing the air

SNIFF SNIFF

The worried look on both their faces was quickly replaced by

a look of abject terror
with a fleeting glance between them exchanged
all thoughts of love and worry for dad had gone

OH NO DADS off again
QUICK QUICK dive for the nearest cover all dogs for themselves

For the next hour or two i lay there rumble rumble explosion explosion
not to mention the SMELL god the SMELL

WELL ,no more could i stand it and with a roar i commanded my bum to leave get out the door
OUT OUT get out the door
but all to no avail

So in an attempt to sleep oh god sleep
and with my disgraced and disowned bum now hanging from the bed no quilt for that
i tried tried to sleep sleep again

and with one final feeble PUTT PUTT i drifted back to sleep

with a smile on my face i began to dream when “BANG “
but this time to my relief i knew it wasn’t me
OH NO ,OH NO
and i lay there in dread
for all around i could hear one by one the animals begin

Oh shit,i had forgotten , Mel had fed the animals the last of the Italian STEW OH GOD NO NO

and with the noise of a passing deer at the window, and i swear as it headed off i could hear the PUTT PUTT of the dreaded Italian Stew……..
i rolled over and screamed NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN…





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Andy the Daft Hermit lives 45 minutes outside Inverness with his wife Mel in an old bus parked in a layby. This current home of theirs is the longest they have ever stayed in one spot. “I’ve been travelling now 25 years,” said Andy Lowe. “Mel’s been travelling 15. One of the reasons we’ve come and stayed up here is because of Mel’s health. I wanted to bring her to the mountains for fresh air and clean water and just a slower pace of life.” Mel has had breast cancer twice, skin cancer once, and for three years believed she had bone cancer after being wrongly diagnosed. Andy’s belief in the restorative powers of the north made them pack up ‘The Black Bus’ that they live in and cross the border into Scotland. New Highland home for hermit couple Andy and Mel “I think we both believe in trying to get to a more simple way of life,” said Andy, “but it’s strange for us because we are sort of hermits, or we like to live separate, but it’s not being anti-social… it’s just the way we are that allows us to be creative.” Andy first began travelling when he left the army. Fed up with bureaucracy he packed a rucksack and left for France and has been travelling ever since. By investing any money the couple have earned into solar panels and wind generators they now live a self-sustaining existence, without electric bills, and collect rain water “straight from Heaven”. “It’s not easy,” said Mel. “There might be time when there might not be enough facilities around, but you always find a way, you know?” Rather than rejecting technology, Andy blogs about his travels online and collaborates with artists from around the world via his ‘Scratchy Heid Film Studio’, which he runs from a static trailer next to the couple’s bus. He explained his philosophy: “My belief is that if you can go through life and you drop dead and you’ve got a balance there that slightly outweighs the good than the bad, you’ve done alright. “Yesterday, with what Mel’s been through with the cancer and all that, I had a woman on one of my sites there that thanked me for the writing, for the positive things, and to me that’s worth everything. You can keep your millions, we’re not interested. That is what we do.” To check out Andy’s artwork and video projects check out his website. MORE FROM THE NORTH

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