Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Zebra crossing

Coming round i slowly opened one i and thought shit where am i all i could see was large black and white stripes i tried to close my eyes again and carry on sleeping when from somewhere i could hear a voice say come on mate you can'y stay here .i thought sod it i just need another 36 hrs sleep and then i'll get up.
I could feel two arms linking under mine and suddenly i was lifted straight up i struggled to open my eyes again and through my drunken haze i realised i had fallen asleep on a Zebra crossing in the middle of Oswestry town people were all around staring and muttering drunken pig etc etc
My head felt like 200 drills were going of at once i just needed to sleep
the last thing i could remember was sitting with my dad who i hadn't seen for a few years never really got on so i had travelled up to Oswestry to try and sort things out with him but during the night we had had words (another story)
My eyes started to focus and my wee daft brain was starting to take in what was being said
Two coppers were telling me to get into the car they were taking me to the police station i tried to say sorry and i would head of without any troubl but they bundled mr into the car and of we went i fumbled around and sorted a fag when one of them turned around and told me to put it out after grabbing a few puffs to kick my lungs into action i opened the window and nipping the end i put the butt into my pocket and quickly stashed my smokes away as i knew they would take my smokes of me if they arrested me..
When we arrived at the station the usual empty your pockets and questions followed when one of them spotted my Army ID card after a quick discussion i was put into a cell and the door slammed shut i shouted if i could get a coffee but no answer
I dug out a fag and after a quick smoke i grabbed the one blanket on the solid stone bunk and lay down for a hopefully few hours sleep..
I don't know how long it was when the door was thrown open and in the doorway stood two bloody MP'S saying STAND TO ATTENTION which i did i was asked my rank and serial number which i shouted out at them .i thought i would be taken back to my unit at last..
They barked out the order to quick march and drilled me out of the police station and into the back of a landrover
Sitting there i knew i was in trouble but had thought it worth it to try and sort things out with my dad (complete waste of ttime )
After about 1/2 hr we pulled up at the gates to an infantry unit the barrier wa raised and the landrover jerked to a halt by the guard room the tail was was dropped with an almighty bang (which set my hangover of again)
I slowly started to get out of the landy when one of the MP's grabbed an arm and shouted BLOODY MOVE YOU SOD .
I fell to the ground i was just about to get up when a large boot flew into my side followed by a punch (That was it i switched of to them bastards and refused to answer or in anyway acknpwledge them i wondered into the guard room with them barking all sorts of shite at me but i couldn't give a f**k what they said to me ,my scottish humour kicked in as it always dose at times like that and the got angrier and angrier with me .
after being asked over and over my name and rank which i refused to answer i was forced into a cell with the door slammed shut
by now i was ragging i had felt safe when i relised i was being taken back to my unit only to end up with these arsholes
An hour passed when the door opened and some officer was standing in front of i was ordered to my feet but told them to f**k off all i could think to say was f**k you and your crew i'm reme and i refuse to talk to shit
Well the officer did@t agree with me and ordered a one hour check (this is when tthey come to your cell every hour on the hour and you are meant to jump up even if you are asllep and stand by the door and give your name rank and number.
I just shouted f**k of you bunch of dickwits and found a fag which they hadn't found on my entry search.
I thought i would be shipped out to my unit within a couple of hours (that is what should have happened )
Instead i was kept ther from friday untill mon morning when the mps from my unit arrived to collect me
I spent those 2 day's or so getting a kicking every hour. the door would open and i would refuse to obey them they then would enter the cell and lay into me occasionally i would get a good swing at the bastards but mostly i was completely overwhelmed by them and a the hours drifted by i just wanted to sleep so much
Monday morning and the door opened i was ready for another kicking when i recognised one of the mps he was from my base and asked me to come with him and as i walked passed all those bastard's he told them that they would be hearing from my commandant about their treatment of this soldier.
I was taken out to the min bus waiting at the kerb and when i got into the seat i was handed a fag some sandwhiches and a flask of coffee...
I was so happy to be back with my UNIT ..

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Andy the Daft Hermit lives 45 minutes outside Inverness with his wife Mel in an old bus parked in a layby. This current home of theirs is the longest they have ever stayed in one spot. “I’ve been travelling now 25 years,” said Andy Lowe. “Mel’s been travelling 15. One of the reasons we’ve come and stayed up here is because of Mel’s health. I wanted to bring her to the mountains for fresh air and clean water and just a slower pace of life.” Mel has had breast cancer twice, skin cancer once, and for three years believed she had bone cancer after being wrongly diagnosed. Andy’s belief in the restorative powers of the north made them pack up ‘The Black Bus’ that they live in and cross the border into Scotland. New Highland home for hermit couple Andy and Mel “I think we both believe in trying to get to a more simple way of life,” said Andy, “but it’s strange for us because we are sort of hermits, or we like to live separate, but it’s not being anti-social… it’s just the way we are that allows us to be creative.” Andy first began travelling when he left the army. Fed up with bureaucracy he packed a rucksack and left for France and has been travelling ever since. By investing any money the couple have earned into solar panels and wind generators they now live a self-sustaining existence, without electric bills, and collect rain water “straight from Heaven”. “It’s not easy,” said Mel. “There might be time when there might not be enough facilities around, but you always find a way, you know?” Rather than rejecting technology, Andy blogs about his travels online and collaborates with artists from around the world via his ‘Scratchy Heid Film Studio’, which he runs from a static trailer next to the couple’s bus. He explained his philosophy: “My belief is that if you can go through life and you drop dead and you’ve got a balance there that slightly outweighs the good than the bad, you’ve done alright. “Yesterday, with what Mel’s been through with the cancer and all that, I had a woman on one of my sites there that thanked me for the writing, for the positive things, and to me that’s worth everything. You can keep your millions, we’re not interested. That is what we do.” To check out Andy’s artwork and video projects check out his website. MORE FROM THE NORTH

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