Friday, 28 October 2011

Airlock ( A warning )

Collages6

                               AIRLOCK

                         …………………..

 

As the sun rose over the wee hovel ,Mel came through the door clutching a huge parcel a smile beaming as she sat on her bed .

 

Slowly the packaging was ripped apart to reveal 2 pairs of leggings , a wee fashion parade followed with WHAT DO YOU THINK ? always a tricky question ..

 

Then back to the parcel and socks ,tops and a wee jacket followed

all shown on the cat walk up and doon the hovel.

 

Smiling like i hadn’t seen for a wee while, the look on her face changed a look of confusion filled the room ..

 

with her muttering , What are they ????

she pulled from the very bottom of the parcel a huge piece of material , I think it is a survival tent of some sort was my response , what with pink flowers in it , Well i don’t know dear ,get them oot and lets see.

 

Laying them on the bed it dawned on us what they were

 

PANTS ,PANTS the like we had never seen , huge like they could easily house  all the hovel family with room for the neighbours .. just sat a stared back at us

 

Through tears of laughter i said trying to keep a straight face

Go on dear try them on the look warm and cosy …

 

Grudgingly a pair were peeled from the pack of SIX ( added value don’t you know)

As she stood there a look of stunned shock i watched as all that was overhanging disappeared inside these floral pants .

After much laughter she decided to keep them on as indeed they were warm on this wee frosty morn

So with thoughts of the earlier shock drifting, breakfast was readied and the days plans discussed .

 

….LITTLE DID WE KNOW THE DANGER MEL WAS IN …..

 

After a day spent on the many jobs aroon the hovel . The call from the truck that dinner was ready

My favourite

a huge bowl of Italian stew was waiting with 2 slices of homemade bread

We sat and chatted aboot the days events a wee giggle at the morning parcel and so we settled doon for a night in front of the box  .

 

During the night the effects of the stew surfaced and the front door was opened to enable us to breathe.

 

Mel got up and stood at he sink a cup of coffee brewing .

when she said “you know what since i put those pants on and you might laugh but i feel lighter such a strange feeling..”

 

We watched a wee film and as it came to an end  Mel said she would take the dogs out , climbing oot of bed she said again “ wow i feel so light footed , will have to ask your mum where she bought those pants i feel amazing “

 

As she opened the door the dogs leapt oot closely followed by a SCREAM …

 

I shot oot of bed only to see Mel hovering 3 feet from the ground still clinging to the dogs leads ..

 

 

ANDY , ANDY help, help

i stared unsure what to do

then i shouted let go of the leads your upsetting the dogs DEAR.

 

over the next few minutes she began to climb climb

then i noticed that the after effects of the stew had resulted in her creating a wee balloon what with the extra strong elastic on all holes ..

She drifted higher and higher till all i could see was a Huge flowery balloon with two wee pink polka dot wellies dangling and wiggling frantically aboot

Screaming she drifted towards the summit of Ben Wyvis

 

quickly i grabbed the phone and called the police and coastguard , within ten minutes police and the other emergency services were at the scene

Then in the distance the coast guard helicopter appeared and began to circle Mel who had now summited Ben wyvis and was heading to Inverness ..

 

Binoculars were all trained on the fast disappearing wee hermit when i heard the winchman from the helicopter shout

 

DROP YOUR PANTS MRS LOWE , DROP YOUR PANTS BUT SLOWLY AND GRAB THIS ROD  AND I WILL PULL YOU IN .

EH ,EH ,EH WAS ALL THE RESPONSE I HEARD .

So the moral behind the story never have Italian stew while wearing COSY pants …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A wee film about us on STVs the HOUR SHOW click on STV logo to see the film

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Andy the Daft Hermit lives 45 minutes outside Inverness with his wife Mel in an old bus parked in a layby. This current home of theirs is the longest they have ever stayed in one spot. “I’ve been travelling now 25 years,” said Andy Lowe. “Mel’s been travelling 15. One of the reasons we’ve come and stayed up here is because of Mel’s health. I wanted to bring her to the mountains for fresh air and clean water and just a slower pace of life.” Mel has had breast cancer twice, skin cancer once, and for three years believed she had bone cancer after being wrongly diagnosed. Andy’s belief in the restorative powers of the north made them pack up ‘The Black Bus’ that they live in and cross the border into Scotland. New Highland home for hermit couple Andy and Mel “I think we both believe in trying to get to a more simple way of life,” said Andy, “but it’s strange for us because we are sort of hermits, or we like to live separate, but it’s not being anti-social… it’s just the way we are that allows us to be creative.” Andy first began travelling when he left the army. Fed up with bureaucracy he packed a rucksack and left for France and has been travelling ever since. By investing any money the couple have earned into solar panels and wind generators they now live a self-sustaining existence, without electric bills, and collect rain water “straight from Heaven”. “It’s not easy,” said Mel. “There might be time when there might not be enough facilities around, but you always find a way, you know?” Rather than rejecting technology, Andy blogs about his travels online and collaborates with artists from around the world via his ‘Scratchy Heid Film Studio’, which he runs from a static trailer next to the couple’s bus. He explained his philosophy: “My belief is that if you can go through life and you drop dead and you’ve got a balance there that slightly outweighs the good than the bad, you’ve done alright. “Yesterday, with what Mel’s been through with the cancer and all that, I had a woman on one of my sites there that thanked me for the writing, for the positive things, and to me that’s worth everything. You can keep your millions, we’re not interested. That is what we do.” To check out Andy’s artwork and video projects check out his website. MORE FROM THE NORTH

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