Monday, 30 January 2017
We left Lochinver wae the weeks meds and some supplies from the Spar.
Headed tae a wee stepping stone a few miles ootside and settled, over the next days we calmed doon and got back intae the simple life . Mel calm again and the stress at last left behind.
But all the while knowing that we would have tae face the wall again in a week or less. but we put that to the side and as i said tried enjoying some good food films and simply watching the mountains at play.
over that week we slowly made oor way tae Ullapool even driving slowly was taking it’s toll on Mel now,having been all but bed bound for over 8 months or so .
eventually though we made it and parked up at the medical centre ready for the next day. and the wall as we tried again tae get a months supply o pain meds.
We hadn’t been back there since the day many months previous when after visiting the surgery , Mel came oot in tears . YET AGAIN. even then it shocked me the strength Mel showed getting oot her bed to walk in..
the previous Thursday we had run oot o meds after a really bad week or so. and made an appointment to get some, this time Mel asked if i would go in as they weren’t listening.
we sat there in that we office and poured both oor hearts oot. Mel explaining , she didn’t want any more treatment at the Hospital or any more tests, didn’t want the whole subject brought up again. simply wanted tae get a months supply o pain drugs and go to the beach etc . more and more we let oot until we both just looked at each another. exhausted . the doctor seemed to listen took notes etc and we left after asking again can Andy please come in for the scrip if i can’t make it in. NO, again was the answer. but at least the subject o tests etc would NOT be brought up at the next appoinment. Both o us when asked “ do you know what is happening “, said together aye . Mel knew her time was limited as did i . but over and over we were asked . did we talk aboot things etc etc . aye aye aye. we left happy . and the appointment was made so we could come back on Tuesday and get the full months meds.
at last at last we said together over and over . i went tae Boots got the meds annd we pulled oot o Ullapool for a couple o days , not bothering tae go far as we knew we had tae return Tuesday.
Tuesday arrived , Mel woke up happy as was i at last things were sorted , we could get the meds and head off on the bimble.
Then , within a couple o oors we were back tae square one, Mel in bits walking back tae the wee van. for ages she simply couldn’t speak the pain and anger raging. eventually though she explained what had just happened.
At the appointment she wasn’t simply given the meds. again the subject o the hospital tests etc was brought up, even the mention o more radiotheraphy the doctor explaining it’s only radiotheraphy. and then questioned the drugs . in the end she was given the months meds and left.
It took days tae calm Mel doon , in that time i gave everything we had at Droma away including two caravans burners etc and we headed as far as a tank o fuel could take us. vowing NEVER tae go back there..
well here we where , sitting feet from the door in the carpark. Mel now in a wheel chair but bed bound as it was simply too painfull tae even get oot the bed.
Waking that morning .
we had coffee and oor ususal ten cigs , me trying tae make her smile, but i could tell she was worried. then she tried but failed tae get oot the bed , we tried over and over but no.
picking up the phone , Mel pressed the buttons and waited .
the receptionist came on, some Mel knew.
Mel explained she needed more meds and was to get a months that day , but couldn’t get oot the bed, she asked can Andy please come in.
a pause as she went off tae check if that was ok , returning she said tae Mel , NO, the doctor says you have tae come in for them, Mel crying said i cant get out off the bed.
back and forward the conversation went Mel getting more and more upset. i said i would go in but Mel said NO. and continued explaining how much pain she was in and COULDN’T get oot the bed. by this time we were both shouting and crying
THEN the phone went flying wae Mel screaming “ right, fuck it i am coming in “
i begged her tae stay in bed , i will go in , but somehow she got oot that fucking bed , crossed that carpark, got her meds and came back tae the van, i never got tae see ma wee warrior walk again. it took her days tae recover tae the point the pain left.
i drove us doon tae Boots and again got the meds , we headed off . i wanted tae take her tae Gairloch and her favourite chinese . we never made it . stopping at Dundonnell instead for a few days . that was when Mel said she couldn’t travel anymore and asked me tae take her tae Droma , knowing then that her death was close . we headed off on the final journey .
After a couple o magical weeks bimbling , visiting old and new stepping stones .
the time was nearing , and the pressure began. when we would both have tae face the wall. o NO.
as always ,i had enough spare meds for Mel for 4 days. having had to take over the meds for the last few years. ( even though we had had to both put up wae crap for me doing that ).
Anyway that night we headed too Lochinver , feeling not too worried as Mel had been registered at the surgery before , so they had a rough idea what Mel had and was going through.
we spent the night doon at the harbour , where over the years we had weighed in oor winkles and enjoyed watching the comings and goings o the many boats.
In the morning we woke and made our way roon tae the carpark opposite the surgery . ready to make the call. Mel though said she couldn’t cope and could we please just go. talking wae her , i could she her starting too really stress oot , so firing Molly up we drove tae a couple o miles oot o Lochinver along the road tae Drumbeg , stopping at Clasnessie another o oor stepping stones , as always the journey calmed Mel doon and as always we travelled slowly Mel finding it hard , but for the next couple o days we hugged and remembered the many many oors working and walking the beaches, the wee smile returned. but i knew in a couple o days we would have tae face that wall o NO.
pulling back intae Lochinver . ( the last o the meds having gone that morning, i wasn’t worried as i knew Mel would get the help needed . that simple wee back o drugs . to help wae the pain .)
Mel made the call……
sitting looking out o the window , i could hear Mel getting more and more upset.
she had explained that she was now bedbound and was unable to come intae the surgery and would it be at all possible for Andy to come across. and get the meds.
every question met wae, NO, NO
eventually afeter a couple o calls by which time Mel was crying and so angry , it was agreed the doctor would call over to us in the carpark after her appointments.
( the receptionist had told Mel the doctor says you should go to Ullapool and that they could NOT issues any meds , )
Mel , had explained she couldn’t cope wae the journey , and had run oot o meds..
listening tae what had been said i was fumming and said i would go over, but Mel begged me not too. we had asked loads o times if it was possible for me to collect mels meds and had always been told NO , right up tae her death the answer was NO..
we sat and hugged and eventually calmed doon , ready for the visit when a nurse we both knew chapped the door. happily i opened it and invited her in..
Right from the start we both looked at each another, shocked as the nurse simply ignored us and piled on the pressure and upset.
having a go at me for running oot o meds, even though we explained again and again that i had always kept a 4 day reserve but this time Mel had paniced etc
telling us we weren’t listening , as she asked over and over if she could do anything too help, oor answer aye MEDS.. met with a stare.
behind her i could see Mel fuming as she tried tae sit up and ready tae whack the nurse. the nurse left and we just sat there in total silence shocked at what was happening all the while Mel getting more and more stressed..
The last place i expected too have any trouble getting a hold o the meds was Lochinver .
a couple o oors passed and the doctor called over ..
Sitting bolt upright in bed Mel explained the whole thing too the doctor , about coming a few days earlier etc etc . when she wa finished . the doctor simply said she could not get the meds, and that we would have to go too Ullapool for them. going on tae say we had NOT been tae see Ullapool for some time. we were told we were getting peoples backs up bye simply wandering around the place.
Mel crying said “i am dying and my husband is taking me tae places and visiting people before i die.”
Still the answer was no , no, no..
being told Lochinver was a small practise and couldn’t give out the meds.
Mel stopped talking and turned her back and was crying as i begged and begged for at least a few days meds enough for us too head off. in the end she relented and agreed too a weeks worth and left..
i went over and collected the meds and we headed oot o Lochinver getting tae a wee stepping stone were i was able tae calm ma wee warrior doon again. the energy drained yet again as if dealing wae cancer and the coming deaath was NOT enough tae cope wae. we had a couple o days were once again we hugged and started tae enjoy the time left.
then as the week neared its end . it was time too visit Ullapoll. where what had just happened would be overshadowed . what followed will live with me till the day i too die and go off to be wae ma wee warrior.
THAT FUCKING WALL O NO NO NO ..
Love and light
Creative Boom Scotland
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